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Sharing a house with friends during your uni years can either be an amazing experience where you form memories that you’ll look back on for years, or a tense time where relationships can struggle if issues are not addressed quickly.
Whether the issues are about dishes, noise, cleaning or someone “borrowing” your oat milk again, conflict with housemates is common. And while it’s frustrating, it doesn’t have to end in passive-aggressive notes or full-on fallouts.
Here’s how to handle housemate conflict in a way that keeps the peace and maybe even makes your living situation better.
Start with a calm conversation
It’s easy to let things build up until you snap, but that rarely ends well. If something’s bothering you, try to bring it up early—before you’re too angry to have a calm conversation. Choose a time when you’re both free and not stressed or distracted. It’s okay to say something like, “Hey, can we talk about something that’s been bugging me?”
Approaching it calmly sets the tone. It shows you’re not trying to fight, just sort things out.
Be direct, not aggressive
A lot of housemate tension comes from people not being clear. If someone keeps leaving their dishes for days, hinting at it or making sarcastic comments probably won’t work. Be honest, but respectful. Say what’s bothering you and how it’s affecting you. For example: “When the kitchen’s left messy, it makes it hard for me to cook or feel comfortable using the space.”
Keep it focused on the behaviour, not the person. Avoid blaming or labelling, like saying someone is lazy or selfish. Stick to the facts, and how it impacts you.
Listen to their side too
Sometimes people don’t realise how their actions affect others. What seems like carelessness to you might just be them being busy or overwhelmed. Let them explain their side. They might not agree with everything you say, but hearing each other out usually helps both sides calm down and understand where the other is coming from.
You don’t have to fully agree to find a compromise.
Agree on clear expectations
Once you’ve talked it out, agree on what happens next. This part matters. It could be as simple as taking turns cleaning the bathroom, keeping noise down after a certain time or not using each other’s stuff without asking. The more specific you are, the easier it is to avoid future misunderstandings.
You can even write things down if it helps everyone remember—especially in shared group chats or a note on the fridge.
Pick your battles
Not every small issue needs a full conversation. Living with people means adjusting to habits that aren’t always your own. If it’s something minor and not recurring, it might be easier to let it go. But if it keeps happening and it’s affecting your day-to-day, it’s okay to speak up.
Keep the bigger picture in mind
At the end of the day, most housemate conflicts aren’t about deep personal issues—they’re about communication, respect and shared space. Handle them directly and respectfully, and you’ll not only solve the problem but possibly build a stronger relationship.
You don’t need to be best friends with your housemates, but living in a space that feels fair and comfortable makes a big difference to your uni experience.
